Today I looked over some old notes on facebook which I had written when I was 21. I was struck by how young and fresh I sounded; I was super excited about life in general, enthusiastically throwing myself into whatever new challenge presented itself. I'm sure I was rather annoying. Roughly 2 and a half years have past since then and I fear that I have lost something of my younger self. I have lost some of my youthful passion. This scares me, and hopefully enough to change the direction I am heading. One of the challenges I set my 21 year old self was to talk to randomers about Jesus and offer to pray for 3 people every week. My 24 year old self thinks "What the flip was I thinking?!" I hope I would be willing to do so if I felt lead by God but I fear that now my head isn't even tuned into the fact that that might be something God would want me to do. I'm not properly listening. I'm not even really asking that he would use me to show his love to randomers. I think I have slipped back into the old pattern of only being willing to step out my comfort zone when I am supposed to; so at Late Love its completely fine for me to tell students about Jesus or to offer pray for those in chaplaincy but in my general day to day life it's not even on my radar.
I have been reminded of Romans 8:12-16 today and I love the bit that says: It's adventuously expectant, greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?" Do I dare to ask him that wonderul and terrifying question?
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